| i feel like my room is empty now. |
[Jan. 12th, 2007|09:29 pm] |
these past two days have been the hardest for me. i have to make myself not cry. even when im just sitting in anatomy, i feel the tears coming on. and to top it all off im pms-ing really bad, so i just become even more emotional. it sucks. it sucks when the best friend ive ever had, leaves without saying goodbye. its really hard for me right now. and especially for my brother. you dont know how we feel right now. you really dont. mom and dad are just as hurt, as they are mad. and andrew cried the whole day. it was horrible and it made me feel so,so shitty. im writing this because i know i wont be able to say it to you and also because i dont think im gonna talk very much the next time i see you. im angry, sad, and confused. all these things are happening and its all just getting jumbled in my head. theres been so many things that i have seen and heard that i want to tell you about. just little things that only you would get excited about. like how Employee of the Month is out on dvd. and that American Eagle is having a sale on their panties and theyre only $2. and how im ordering a new i-pod and im gonna put Narnia on it. only you would be excited for me. ive heard songs and seen things that we used to laugh about. it really does hurt. you were my best friend. ever since i was younger, its been me and you. me and you against everyone else, well, mom and dad. but now that you're gone, what am i gonna do? im scared. i really am. you know how i feel about her. you know ive never trusted her. theres something about her thats not good and i dont get good vibes. even leanna feels that way. i feel that in the end, shes gonna screw you over. and youre gonna get hurt. and i dont want that. theres something about her. i dont know what it is, but i dont like it. but im gonna forget about her right now. because im not writing this to explain why i dont trust her. but im writing this to tell you that i miss you but i am so angry at you. you left us. you didnt even say goodbye. nothing. you took your things and left when no one was here. thats wrong. you know its wrong, so i dont understand why you did it. i read the letter, but i really dont think thats a real good reason to just pick up and leave. it hurts me because you know how i dont really have very many friends and how things are lame at school, and you just leave. you told me that you didnt want to leave me and andrew here. but you did. we need you. and now that youre gone, i dont know what we're gonna do. im scared for andrew. thursday, all he wanted to do was come home and see you. because he knew that you were gonna be home. and you know youre his favorite. but he was so hurt and so confused. it made me sad. i want you to know this because i want you to know how this might effect him. hes at that age where things that happen and things he sees are going to effect him in a big way. you know this. why did you have to leave like this?? this year is gonna be hard for us. with leanna and whatnot. and now this. this year is starting off to a really rocky start. and im scared. i know that things arent going to be "okay" and that things arent going to just go back to the way things are. mom is stressed out and worrying about leanna and about you and also about andrew and his school. he's still not doing good in school and now i think he's not gonna be focusing well either. i just dont know why you had to leave this way. i thought you and leanna had a plan. she needs help more than that stupid girl does. shes the one with a baby and a house she needs to pay for. i just think that you couldve done something better than this.
i miss you. i really do. its really, really hard for me right now. but just know that i miss you and that i hope you come around and see how this is gonna effect all of us. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2006|12:25 pm] |
Im in photography right now. i dont really feel like playing with pictures right now. i feel like going somewhere. somewhere where i can just chill and relax and not have to deal with the stupid routine that i go through every day and every week. very rarely does it change. im tired of it. i find myself tired of a lot of things. i kinda wish that i can just go back to the summer days. i realized those were probably the best days that ive had. its already november and im still not feeling very good about things. ill have my good days and my bad...and this week, ive had about 3 bad days. and i dont like that. im not supposed to feel this shitty. im a freakin 16 year old that goes to school, works her ass for good grades and doesnt get them because apparently im not trying hard enough. i work weekend nights and dont really go out and have as much fun as i used to. everyone bitches at me that im always busy and not doing enough and it all gets to be alot sometimes. my "friends" complained to me saying that i dont call them and its my fault we dont hang out anymore, that i never made any attempt. but, did they ever make an attempt. yeah, well, somtimes. but they got "busy". i hate when peple make plans with me and end up flaking on me. and in the end its my fault. i dont really understand how things always end up being my fault. i feel like ive lost my best friends. we dont even talk annymore. smalll talk. but i miss those nights where we could talk about anything and end on the same note, every time. the movie nights are over. the 3 awesome girls are gone. we dont even talk like how we used to. i think about it all the time, and it always makes me cry and feel so sad. it sucks. i miss those secret trips to Santa Cruz and those nights we'd watch movies for hours. and just sit around and eat and talk about anything, the stupidest things to the most emotional-deep conversations. i miss those times. honestly, theyre my best friends. they meant everything to me. i know i have pep, and he is one of my best friends, but i miss my girls. ill allways have pep and the boys, but i need my girls. im a girl. fuck, i need other girls, and they were it. i dont like any other girls but them. ive never trusted any other kids, but them. theyre like my sisters. annd i love them. i always will. all the plans we made together...for some reason, now they feel like theyre never gonna happen. and that makes me feel so shitty. because those plans were awesome. and now thhey feel like it was all just talk. that sucks. soooo much. ughh.
i know maida will read this. and maida, please just know that i miss you annd love you. i always will. i know the other one wont. its wierd how im writing this and shes sitting right next to me. and she hasnt even looked at me once. ive tried to talk to her and get things back to the way they were, but its like she doesnt care anymore. its like shes cooler and better than me now. oh well. im done for now. |
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| throw your hands in the air if your a true playa. |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|04:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im not throwing up. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | zzzZZZzzZzzzZZzZZZZ | ] |
been a long time. im so lame and lazy that i usually just read what everyone else writes, and never even bother to wirte my own update. well, here it is. its been a super long time since ive writtten anything. where do i start??
well, school has been okay. my classes arent as exciting as i hoped they would be. english, my teacher talks way too much, and most of the time i just sit there, talk to maida or humberto. it has its interesting parts though. math is okay. i have it with melissa so that makes it a whole lot better. my teacher is crazy and he doesnt really teach us anything that has to do with the lesson. but sure. less work for me. anatomy is alright. not very hard. but i dont really know a lot of the kids in there. so im really quiet and whatnot. that class smells so bad though. i almost feel gross when i eat in there too. icky. photo is fun. history and physics are majorly lame and go on forever. but yup. thats all i have to say about school.
im still in water polo. its a lot of fun. i like it. and i get so pumped and stuff for our games that its crazy. practices are fun too. still hate sprints, but theyre getting easier. so i dont mind. and also, thats all the exercise i get. cant complain.
home life is alright. the only times im ever really here is on weekends now. during the week im at practice or at a game, so by the time i get home im extremely sleepy or tired. and i just got a job at Auntie Annes Pretzels at the mall, so that means im gonna hardly be here.im excited though. and paychecks are every friday, so at least ill have money on me. i still have to go take my driving classes, cuz i can get my liscence on the 20th. so i gotta hurry up and find some extra time.
me and pep are doing good. on the 17th it'll be 8 months!! yay!! i still love him just as much as before, maybe even more. so yup.
i guess thats it for my update. im kinda sick so im really sleepy right now. check you guys later. |
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| everyone else is doing it... |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|05:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  yummy mangoes!! | ] |
Finish the sentence
1. I've come to realize that my ex... is lame and a waste of my time.
2. I am listening to...my mothr fidgeting with everything.
3. I talk...a lot sometimes.
4. I love... pep very much.
5. My best friend...is so awesome.
6. I don't understand... why things always have to change.
8. People.... are annoying.
9. The meaning of my display name is... that im so awesome
10. Love is... what keeps me going.
11. Somewhere, someone is/are... touching eachother.
12. I will always... love fruit
14. I never want to... go on without you.
15. My mobile phone is... fun
16. When I wake up in the morning i... wish i could be waking up to you.
17. I get annoyed when.... people talk shit
18. I am thinking about... going to the mall
19. Kids are... cute sometimes
20. I get on myspace... almost every day
21. Today I... went to school
22. Tonight I... will sleep
23. Tomorrow I will... go to school again.
24. I really want.. hit my brother
25. The person most likely to do this is.. anyone who stumbles upon it. or is bored. im guessing maida.
hahah. sorry maida. you know i love you. |
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| for you.... |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|12:31 am] |
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happy 16th birthday maida!!!! |
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| "i'll get us a house like that" |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|12:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i love my best friends. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bright eyes | ] |
so. today was a pretty fuckin awesome day. me and missy planned a big suprise for maida. we told her we were going to great america, but really ended up taking her to santa cruz!! yay!! we are 2 super awesome best friends if i say so myself. so we had a pretty chill day. i really wish i wasnt on my period though. that sucked, but it was still fun. we made a bonfire and ate food and played in the water. it was nice and cool when we got there but by noon it was warm and sunny. it was a good day. then we just chilled and greg met us there. that was funny. but yeah. today was good. i liked it. and i hope maida did too. cuz that was all for YOU maida!! suprise!!
oh and happy 16th birthday my love!!!
so much has happened this week. it was a good week for me though. it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be.
im really sleepy, so i think imma go.
goodnite.
oh. me and maida both bought these licence plates for our cars that say california pirate on them. yup. pretty cool! |
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| im gonna go to sleep |
[Jun. 23rd, 2006|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  time for sleep. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
1. pep
2. missy
3. maida
4. greg
5. manuel
6. jo
7. humberto
8. rochelle
9. alison
10. carlos
How did you meet 10?
well, we hung out in the same spot in jr high. and he kinda dated one of my best friends.
What would you do if you had never met 3?
oh man. i would be so, so lost that its not even funny. and i would probably be very stupid.
What would you do if 6 and 1 dated?
angry. but that wouldnt happen, cuz jo is my sister and she is dating her own mexican.
Have you ever seen 4 cry?
no. greg doesnt have feelings. ha.
Would 3 and 8 be friends?
yeah. they get along pretty well cuz they both like to bully me.
Do you think 2 is cute?
i think she is BEAUTIFUL/HOT
Tell me something about number 1!
he's my best friend, my lover, my buddie, and my support. i love him very very much.i dont know what i wouldve done without him this year.
What's 7's favorite color?
turquoise. i remembered.
What would you do if 3 just confessed that they liked you??
umm, well, its pretty obvious that shes always wanted me, after 11 years, i wouldnt be very suprised. i just think it'll cause problems with missy and pep.
Fact about 9?
she has a thing for the color orange and tono is her other half.
Who is 5 going out with?
no one right now.
What does 3 do for a living?
sells white children in an underground black market.
Would you ever live with 1?
yes, i would LOVE to live with pep.
Is 10 single?
yes.
Where does 7 live?
near mountain mikes.
What do you think about 4?
hes one of my best friends and is super awesome and fun and funny.
Who is 8 going out with?
no one.
Favorite Memory with 4?
making greek food for an english project.
Who are you closest with on the list?
pep, missy, maida, greg, jo
When did you last see number 8?
last day of school. and shes leaving tomorrow!!
Who on the list is most like you?
jo. we're kinda like twins that were born 4 years apart.
Who is best dressed on the list??
well, they each have their own style, so each one is dressed pretty good. so i cant pick just one.
Who on the list can make you laugh?
all of them.
In what order did you last see them?
pep, missy, jo, maida, humberto, manuel, carlos, greg, alison, and then last but not least, rochelle. |
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| its hot |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|07:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | yay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none-that 70's show | ] |
hey guys. been a while. summer is going good. and its really really hot right now. it sux. so, yeah., today we had a BBQ at peps for no reason, just to hang out, chill and have fun i guess. well, it was fun. i liked it. yup. im in summer school PE and i have water polo on tuesday and wednesday nights. its fun. and its only the first week. but PE is so flippin hot. tomorrow we have to run the mile. and its going to suck. i hate running. but i figure, if i jog the whole thing, i'll be fine.
so, lots has happened and im too lazy to write all of it. just that i love my pep, i love my friends, and i really wanna be in a cold pool right about...NOW. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2006|06:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | what to do..what to do.. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crazy--gnarles barkley | ] |
1::Name: danielle
2::Single or Taken: happily taken
3::Sex: girl
4::Siblings: leanna, joanna, and andrew
5::Eye color: caca brown
6::Shoe size: 5 in boys. 6 1/2 in girls.
7::Height: 4'10"
8::Innie or Outie: innie..
9::Righty or lefty: imma a lafty biotch!! heck yes. and im ambidextrous
10::Can you make a dollar in change right now: i have a dollar bill
11::Who is your closest friends: pep, melissa, maida, greg
12::Do you have a BF or GF: both
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Favorite
13::Kind of pants: from Basic
14::Number: 3,5,35
15::Animal: turtle
16::Drink: jones soda
17::Sport: swimming
18::Month: may
19::Juice: lemonade
20::Breakfast: cheese and egg omlets. and hash browns.
21::Cartoon character: lilo.
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Have You Ever
22::Given anyone a bath? no. well. my cat.
23::Smoked?: yesh
24::Bungee Jumped? nope
25::Made yourself throw-up? nope.
26::Put your tongue on a frozen pole: no. haha. but on a spoon that just came out of the freezer!!
27::Loved someone?: yes
28::Broken a bone: my growth plate in my left ankle.
28::Played truth or dare: yes
29::Been in a police car: yes actually. but thats cuz my dad knew him and stuff. lame, i know.
30::Been on a plane: yesh
31::Came close to dying? no, not really
32::Been in a sauna? no
33::Been in a hot tub: no
34::Swam in the ocean: yes. its awesome.
35::Fell asleep in school: yes. everyday!
37::Broken someones heart: i dont know.
38::Cried when someone died: yes
39::Cried in school: yes. i try my hardest not to though.
40::Fell off your chair: hahah.
41::Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? no
42::Saved a conversation: do e-mails count?
43::Made out with just a friend? no
44::Used someone: probably.
____________________________________________
Whats:
45::Your good luck charm?: i dont think i have one.
46::Best song you ever heard: my blue heaven-taking back sunday
47::What's your room like? messy.
48::What is beside you? my couch
49::Last thing you ate: chicken pot pie
50::What kind of shampoo do you use? thermasilk baby!
Ever Had:
51::Chicken pox: yesh
52::Sore Throat: yes
54::Broken nose: nope.
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Do You:
55::Believe in love at first sight: i guess
56::Like picnics: as long as bugs and grass dont get in the food, then yesh.
57::Like school: i used to
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Questions
59::Who was the last person you called: pep
60::Who was the last person you slow danced with? its been a while.
61::Who makes you smile: many people
Who Last:
62:: Did you last yell at?: my brother
64::Told you they loved you? pep
65::Who's your loudest friend? it varies
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66::Do you like filling these out: sure. it gives me something to do.
67::Contacts or glasses: glasses
68::Do you get along with your family: sometimes.
Final Questions
69.What are you listening to right now? movie, the counte of monte cristo.
70::What did you do yesterday? baseball game, homework. movie.
71::any awards: lame ones
72::What car do you wish to have: grey volkswagon golf
73::Where do you want to get married?: a beach. somewhere exotic and pretty
74::Good driver?: sure?
75:: Good singer?: eh.
76::Have a lava lamp?: yes!!
77::How many remote controls are in your house?: theres a t.v in every room but the living room. and theres like 3 for each. so, a lot.
78:: Are you down to f--k? not with you.
79::When did you last shower?: last night.
80::Scary or Funny Movies? both
81::Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate.
82::WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE bar? umm. id pay for it.
83::Skiing or Boarding: snowboarding.
84::Summer or winter?: both. fall too.
85::Silver or Gold?: silver. i dont like gold too much.
86::Sprite or 7up?: sprite.
87::Coffee or tea: tea. i kinda lost it for coffee. but theyre both yummy.
88::Phone or in person: in person means more
89::Are you oldest, middle, youngest out of your sibilings? im the middle child
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Today did you
92::Talk to someone you liked: yes.
93::Bought something: chips for lunch.
94::Get sick: no. im sleepy though.
95::Sing: yes.
96::Talked to an ex: hahahahHAHAHA.
97::Miss someone: yes.
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Last person who
98::Saw you cry: my mother?
99::Made you cry: everything
100::Went to the movies with? dont remember.
101::You went to the mall with: pep i think
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102::Ever been in a fight with your pet: yes. hes mean.
103::Been to California: yesh
104::Been to asia: nope
105::Been to Canada: yesh
106::Been to Europe: nope. not yet.
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Random
107::Do you have a crush on someone: yes. you can call it that.
108::Best feeling in the world: feeling infinite with your best buddies and just chillaxing with no worries or stress. or that feeling of being safe with someone and knowing that no matter what, you'll always love just hugging them and being near them. theres a lot of "best" feelings in the world.
110::Future KIDS names: naomi. i think its cute. and there were others, but i forgot.
111::Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: yes.
112:What's under your bed? my sister.
113::Favorite sports TO WATCH? skateboarding. baseball is okay. surfing.
114::Favorite Location: the beach
116::What are you scared of?: spiders. being alone and forgotten.
119::Have you ever cried: no. i dont have feelings....
120::Are you lonely? kinda. and bored.
121::Song that's stuck in your head right now: crazy--gnarles barkley. pep's skate song.
122::Have you ever played strip poker: no.
123::Have you ever been on radio/TV: i think. no. i dont know.
124::Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: yes
125::Ever liked someone but thought they never noticed you? kinda.
126::Last person you talked to on the phone?: my mother.
127::Your Favorite Food? french fries. and pretzels.
128::Are you too shy to ask someone out? no. depends. i can be pretty shy though.
129::Hugs or Kisses?: kisses while hugging.
130::Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?: extra butter please!
131::Dogs or Cats?: both
132::Have you ever fired a gun?: yes
133::How many pillows do you sleep with? 4
134::Do you hate immature people? no. because theyre fun. i dislike some immature people, but thats cuz theyre old and they dont know how to grow up.
135::Who are you missing right now?: pep. maida. missy. im missing a lot of people actually. |
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| it made me think..... |
[May. 6th, 2006|01:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | i think im gonna go to IHOP | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Helicopter--block party | ] |
so, i copied this quote from Arnel's myspace. its pretty interesting and true. it made me think...
"As we grow up,
we learn that even the one person
that wasn't supposed to ever let you down
probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once
and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love
for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast,
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness
you'll never get back."
-Unknown |
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dani_a_go_go's journal
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